The Empath in Therapy: Feeling Others Emotions as Your Own

​I have been talking a lot lately with clients about their natural ability to empathically feel other’s emotions and emotional energy. To literally feel them, not just sympathize about them.
 
Although some will say all humans have the innate ability to feel the emotion of others, I am unsure where I stand on this belief. There is a spectrum of ability to experience emotional energy and with thoughtfulness and personal introspection; I believe this ability can expand. 

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Feeling The Energy of Another Happens More Often
​Than One Might Think

​What on earth am I talking about? Have you ever been in a situation where you could feel the energy in a room without having to talk to anyone? Maybe you felt this at a funeral or if you were to walk into a silent room after two people just had a fight. If your answer is yes, you may be beginning to understand what I am starting to explain.
 
Years ago I did an intake with a man alone at night in the office. I NEVER do this, but this time seemed safe. I met the wife already, had a session with their teenage son; all I needed to do was meet the dad and gain his perspective on things. Easy, right?
 
Twenty minutes into the conversation, I started to feel my body go into fight or flight. It started with my chest getting heavy, then my heart began to race. What was happening inside my body? The gentleman in my office wasn’t acting aggressively, he wasn’t making advances on me…nothing but a regular intake, but my body and energy was picking up on something else. I didn’t listen to my body’s response until I began to sweat down the back of my spine. “Do whatever it takes to get him out of your office…now!” I listened.
 
For weeks I couldn’t understand this response, until I did. This man had a secret darkness that began to unfold as I began to get to know the family. Mom and son eventually fled in the night and moved across country to escape what my senses knew on some level weeks prior. 

The Natural Empathic Abilities of Animals

​Why does this happen? How do we know what is happening inside another human being? A colleague friend of mine uses a therapy dog in her practice. She and I were taking an Aromatherapy class together a few years ago. The instructor mentioned that a particular essential oil blend might help the dog emotionally during troubling sessions; in essence, the oils would help shield and block the client energy from penetrating. It was interesting to hear my colleague report that her dog’s job was to feel what the children in her practice were feeling so that he knew how to respond; blocking the energy would be confusing for him.
 
Interesting enough, horses have this ability too. In equine counseling therapy, the horse is used as an emotional tool during a session. As the horse feels the emotion of the client, he begins to behave and respond accordingly. The equine therapist uses this information to teach clients about their own emotions and helps them move through them experientially. Fascinating.

​What Can an Empathic Ability Look Like in a Therapy Session?

​One day I was doing art therapy with a middle school girl who had experienced sexual trauma. We were sitting side by side at a table while she began to express herself through a self-portrait drawing. I couldn’t see passed the girl to see what she was drawing, so I sat and waited in silence for her to work through the task. A few minutes into the prompt, I felt the energy in the room shift. Deep in my own body I felt a darkness begin to settle. My heart and shoulders felt heavy as I began to experience a deep, deep sadness. The emotion was so great, I felt myself begin to breath deeply through it. Although I couldn’t see what she was drawing/writing, I made a mental note of where on her picture she was drawing at the moment. When the girl finished, I was astonished to see what my body felt. The moment I felt the darkness, was the moment she moved into a deeper portion of her trauma. I felt it and experienced it when no words were guiding me through it…just the energy in the room, exuding from her. 

​Can the Average Person Really Feel Another’s Emotions?

​Why does no one talk about this? Talking about empathic abilities is like talking about wizardry or witchcraft. It is this mystical, weird ability that no one really believes in…or do they?
 
Since I began to recognize these emotions in my own body, I wondered how many others experience it too. So, I gathered up the courage to begin to ask my clients. The answers I received were astonishing.
 
A couple of years ago I delicately asked a recovering alcoholic…”Ok. I’m going to ask you something a little strange, but I am really curious about this. Can you feel other’s emotions as your own?”
 
The man looked at me strangely and emphatically said, “Yes! Oh my gosh. I can FEEL my wife’s silent anger and KNOW when she’s disappointed in me, even when she says she’s ok. I know she’s not ok because I feel it”. He had never talked about this with anyone and was feeling so much from others around him that he shut down his own emotion. Key information to his recovery path.
 
I have multiple examples of clients who shut down their own emotions because they feel too much from others. Many are not aware of this until it is organized and talked about in length.
 
I have so many stories for this one example. A teenage girl confided in me that she had begun to lock her bedroom door at night. I was unaware of any sexual trauma, and was confused by this statement. “I don’t know why I am doing this, I just feel scared…terrified actually. My dad has NEVER touched me, I don’t know why I feel this way about him”. Six months later, her little brother told his guidance counselor that his dad had been molesting him. Wow. She could feel it.

If SO Many People are Feeling it, Why Aren't we Talking About it?

So many people are in touch with other’s emotions, assuming they are their own. Regular people have this ability, but we are not talking about it. Chances are, someone in your family or friend group can feel emotion, but they might not know what it is.
 
Something to Think About: Do you or a family member experience emotions that do not make sense? Do you ever feel something and you really do not know why on earth you would be feeling this emotion? Begin to introspect and see if you may have this innate animal instinct to pick up and feel others emotional energy. It may explain why social settings are sometimes challenging, or why you get too wrapped up in other’s sadness and life situations. Maybe you have an undeveloped ability to empathically feel emotion from those around you.

About the Author:
Gabrielle Anderson is the owner of and a therapist at the Family Therapy Center in Ashburn, Virginia. She is a married mother of two and lives in the Northern Virginia area. Gabrielle can be contacted here.