I love to meditate. Humans are complicated beings. We have mind, body and spirit. Learning to balance and listen to the needs of each of these parts is absolutely necessary to find peace, harmony and balance both in turbulent times and times of rest.
 
Meditating through each chakra is a beautiful way to become in touch with all three entities. It really doesn’t matter if you are Christian, Muslim, Buddhist or if you do not identify with any particular organized religion. All humans are made up of these three parts and each of us has a duty and responsibility to manage them. You can absolutely respect your faith-based system AND meditate at the same time and I will teach you how.
 
Our society as a whole starts with each individual person. Being the best version of yourself and learning to impact your environment in positive ways is crucial. Make sure you read the post preceding this to learn details about the 7 chakras and their effects on emotional, spiritual and physical health.

​I saw a college student years ago who struggled with an overactive sacral chakra (sexual promiscuity) due to sexual trauma. She suppressed her emotions and became bulimic (multiple chakras: keep reading) as a means to control the situation (solar plexus & root). Not being able to speak and organize her abuse (throat chakra), doing the journey of pain alone without her loved ones’ help (heart chakra) affected many of her chakras. Instead of feeling internalized power (solar plexus) she used sex as a way to feel powerful over guys (sacral). Her shame kept her from helping out in church and she eventually stopped praying and believing in God (crown chakra). This created a wedge between she and her parents (heart chakra) and helped her shut down even further. By the time this kiddo came into therapy, she was making decisions that sabotaged her own sense of self and well being (3rd eye, solar plexus and heart chakras). All of this made her feel shaky and ungrounded. She often turned to alcohol and later drugs to just get her feet back on the ground (root chakra). Talking about the chakras was HUGE in her recovery.
 

​Notice how our above example listened to ALL of the chakras to see the impact on her body and energy systems. During a chakra meditation, one sits quietly without distraction, and systematically thinks about each chakra system one at a time, starting with the crown chakra. Knowing what the chakras’ purposes are before doing this is important (read this post first if you haven’t already). 

​Your space needs to be quiet and without interruption, which means no kids and no phone. Choose the time of day wisely. Have things with you that will help you reach a spiritual place. This may be prayer beads, a Bible, candle, etc. Next, choose music that influences spiritual emotion and energy for you. This could be drumming, Tibetan chanting monks, acoustic Christian music, etc. Choose wisely because with repetition, this music will become the vehicle that alerts your brain that it is time to meditate. If the music doesn’t fit, change it.

 ​Where you sit is up to you. Some like to sit in a chair and others on the floor. I add movement into my meditations by bowing, raising my hands to the heavens, etc. while others remain still. Follow your instincts (3rd eye & crown) and obey what feels right.
 
As each chakra is approached, with closed eyes place your hand on this part of the body and take deep slow breaths. Think through the day or week to see how this chakra may have been impacted. As this meditation progresses, my actual descriptions will lessen as you begin to learn the rhythm of the meditation.

​Sit in a comfortable spot and with closed eyes, begin breathing slowly for a few moments. Start the meditation with a little prayer. Respect the origin of your spirituality here and pray or reach out to whomever/whatever feels right. Ask for guidance and for presence during this meditation. Picturing the space above your head or in your mind’s eye looking into the heavens is relevant during this prayer.
 
Next, picture a beautiful white light. Your spirit guide/God is giving you the gift of light. Picture it coming into the body from the top of your head. As it enters the body, it is soothing and protective. Picture the light travelling down your face, down the arms and chest, through the torso, down past the bottom, down each leg and the feet until you are completely covered in this protective white light. Next take a deep breath and watch the whole body brighten in the light. Feel the presence of your higher power or spirit guides. If at any time during the meditation a feeling of darkness comes, tell it to leave. Use your language here. Only that of light and love may be present with me, all else must leave. Now I will continue on with the meditation in my language and will walk you through what this meditation would look like if I were doing it. Please adapt to yours and your faith base as necessary. 

Crown Chakra
I’ve just said a prayer and filled my body with white protective light. It is time to think of the crown chakra. With my hand on the top of my head, I let myself think through all kinds of scenarios. This is not a time to change anything, just a time to sit and become aware. How has my spititual path been this week? Have I meditated, participated in yoga, did I read anything to nurture my spiritual side? How about connection. Did I sit with my colleagues in peer or 1:1 and talk about my spiritual path? Am I teaching my kids how to strengthen their gifts and am I patient with my husband as he makes sense of all of this? Did I experience any physical symptoms in this chakra? If at any time another chakra is interwoven into my experience, I recognize it for what it is and then return to the chakra at hand.
Allowing myself to recognize when more than one chakra is relevant helps the practice to really take root and affect me in the real world.
 
3rd Eye Chakra
With my eyes still closed, I would move my hand down to my forehead and breath deeply and slowly. I might process how I felt I used my wisdom this past week. Did I step out and speak (think of the throat chakra for a brief moment and then return to the 3rd eye) with wisdom? Did I trust my instincts or ignore them? I might think about how I was with clients in session or how I parented. Did I react to situations or did I sit back and allow my intuition to be heard? I would also question if I used intuition too much without using my spirit guides, angels or God (crown chakra). Here we are looking for balance and attempting to notice if this center is underactive, overactive or balanced. The goal is NOT to change anything, just to create awareness. To get into a habit of listening and noticing is the immediate objective.
 
Throat Chakra
After I feel I listened enough to the 3rd eye, I would move my hand to my throat area. With closed eyes and slow deep breaths, I would think back to how I communicated through out the week. What communication did I like? What communication did I dislike? Did I become overly emotional and reactive by yelling, screaming or speaking in passive aggressive ways or did I speak with wisdom (3rd chakra) and self control (solar plexus)? Did I close off this chakra and mute myself or did I speak with love and compassion even when the news to deliver was difficult (heart chakra). When you begin to feel like you understand the different chakras and when they are coming into play, allow yourself to make that chakra connection and then continue .
 
Heart Chakra
Next I move my hand to my chest area. How have mt interactions been with those I love or care about? Did my feelings get hurt or did I hurt another? Did I meet someone new? Am I worried about someone I care about? How did I handle this? How is my care for my community, church, workplace, etc?
 
Solar Plexus Chakra
How powerful have I felt or not felt? Did I exhibit self-control and respect for others? Did I allow others to walk on me or did I stand up for myself and what I believe? Am I people pleasing or strong in my convictions? Am I fair?
 
Sacral Chakra
How is my romantic life? Is it meeting my expectations? Do I feel sexually fulfilled, rejected, am I proud of my sexual connections, behaviors and endeavors? How about my creativity? Am I finding ways to be creative? What activities have I done? Have I incorporated creativity and passion in my work and parenting or am I feeling lost
and drained?
 
Root Chakra
How grounded do I feel? Has anything impacted my basic needs? Did a new huge bill come? Is my work and my spouse’s work stable? How are my children? Are they ok or do I worry about their grounding? How predictable is my routine and how settled do I feel? Is my life stale or nicely steady? Chaotic and wild or calm and serene? Do I have balance?
 

​Once you have walked through each chakra, it is time to flush out the energy that was just loosened. With eyes still closed and breath deep and slow, go back to the crown chakra. Systematically picture your light moving through the top of the head. It is going to move through each chakra and carry any loose debris with it. We are going to then send it down into the earth to be recycled and renewed.
 
The light begins at the crown chakra. Follow the light as it moves slowly down through each chakra. When you reach the root chakra, picture a strong root system shooting out of your bottom side and into the earth. It travels deep into the center of the earth. Your debris exits the body through this root system and finds it’s way into the center of the earth where the heat and power of the earth itself filter it. Feel free to do the debris cleanse again if you feel like there may still be residue. Allow the earth to filter and cleanse and watch as the clean energy surrounds your roots and swirls around them from tip to top. The new clean energy penetrates the pores of your root system and the new energy is then taken back up into your body.
 

Phew! After this meditation, you may want to sit in silence and let it all sink in and initiate healing. Turn this mediation into your own. Add your own flavor and flair to it. Learn the chakras ahead of time so that you can feely and creatively flow through the meditation. Practicing this meditation often will help you think of your chakras while you are in the midst of life. As you can tell, learning to listen at this level can absolutely affect your relationships and emotional health. Our bodies are often trying to tell us something. Today is the day to listen.
 
About the Author: Gabrielle Anderson is the owner of and a therapist at the Family Therapy Center in Ashburn, Virginia. She is a married mother of two and lives in the Northern Virginia area. Gabrielle can be contacted here.

​In my opinion, everyone can benefit from learning about the chakras because we all have them. Chakras are not religion or gender specific. I will teach you how to respect your religious practices, understand your chakras and meditate through them, all the while respecting your God or higher power.
 
I am a licensed counseling therapist. In my practice, I often help individuals learn the difference between energy and emotions, because quite frankly, without knowledge and education, they can feel the same. Read this post to learn more about the differences here. It’s fascinating information.
 
Some people release intense energy that is palpable. This energy penetrates into those around quickly and effectively. Have you ever been around someone who was grossly negative or powerfully upset? The energy from individuals like this looks to ground itself and sometimes picks other people to do it. You can feel the intensity in your body just by being around them and can sometimes feel it just by walking into the room.
 
Some of us are more sensitive and porous than others. As a therapist, I often think of myself as a lightening rod for intense energy and emotion. I feel it buzzing around inside my body during session and then ground it to the earth. We are about to explore what this looks and feels like and then will discuss how to get it out of your body (blog article #2). If you suffer with traditional anxiety, depression, ADHD or simply feel overwhelmed or stressed out, keep reading.

​Our bodies are full of energy and energy systems and the chakras are specific energy centers located in different places in the body. When these energy systems are open and free flowing at an even capacity, we can experience calm balance. If too much energy exists in one area of the body or chakra or if there is a blockage, physical symptoms can arise. These symptoms can easily be wrongly explained away by an emotion/mental health diagnosis or can be thought of as a physical illness. Learning to listen to your body at all three levels is important.
 
We have 7 main Chakras within our bodies. I will systematically discuss each one and will explain how each benefits us and also what it could look like if it is out of balance or closed off and protected. We will then learn a meditation to re-balance the energy and ground the excess. We will start from the top of the body and work our way down. 

​Those who are learning to cultivate their spiritual side and are able to sit in the presence of something larger than themselves, are utilizing their 7th chakra. This chakra is located at the top of the head. This is the place where we receive spiritual energy from above. For some this may be God, to others angels, to others still the moon, stars or sun. It really doesn’t matter how you classify the origin of the spiritual energy that uplifts and rejuvenates you. Your individual path of faith is important to respect and deepen.
 
Those who have an open and free flowing crown chakra have a strong faith base and belief in something or someone higher than the human self. To strengthen and mature this chakra takes faithful prayer, meditation, spiritual readings, etc. Those with a closed chakra may struggle to believe in a spiritual life.
 

​The 3rd eye is located central on the forehead just above the two eyes. This is our place of wisdom and intuition, when the logical, left hemisphere of our brain is integrated with the creative right side of the brain. You can see how this chakra could absolutely react to the depth of the crown chakra. Those who can easily tap into intuition and trust the wisdom coming from within or above are cultivating the energy in this chakra.
 
I saw a 30 year old mother of two a few years ago for therapy after leaving her husband due to domestic violence. After talking abtou the chakras, she noticed that her wisdom had been silenced and muted during the abuse. The way she parented her children gave her evidence that this chakra needed more attention and that she needed to understand the memories with her husband that made her begin to close this off. As she began to heal these memories and her chakra began to open, she experienced physical feeling in her forehead area. Off and on throughout the first week, she felt a dizziness come and go. We watched it to see where it would go, making sure it wasn’t an illness related dizzy and sure enough, when her chakra opened again, the symptoms subsided.
 

​Located in the throat, this chakra is about our ability to communicate effectively. Are we speaking from the heart (next chakra) effectively, honestly and with love or are we screaming and hurting those around us? An overactive chakra (yelling, swearing at others, etc) can be just as detrimental as one that is closed (when we shut down and don’t talk about the issues). Think about the times you’ve had a “lump in your throat” (throat chakra) when something is painful (heart chakra), just before you speak about it. Sometimes physical symptoms arise when the chakra is out of balance. Sore throats and frequent illnesses in this area could be looked at through the lens of this chakra.

​The heart chakra is located in the chest area. Not necessarily over the heart itself, but over the chest in it’s entirety. The place we feel love, hurt or care for others, a need to give.
 
A dad sat in my office learning of his teenage daughter’s secret drug problem. He began to breath deeply and as he did, his hand went over his heart. Why? Because he felt a deep pain for his daughter…the one he loved and his heart chakra became activated. Was it his natural heart? No. His heart chakra at this moment was letting him know that it was being affected. Becoming aware of something like this in the moment will help the situation stay at this level. Noticing how this chakra feels is important so that it does not become overly activated or close itself to more energy.

​This chakra is located below the rib cage and above the belly button. I think of this chakra as my power seat. An overactive solar plexus would look bully like and thoughtless. Think about how this would impact the throat chakra (saying mean and hurtful things) as well as the heart chakra (I just don’t care how I hurt you). Sometimes we need to strengthen and speak to this chakra to feel more independent and powerful and to stay committed to what is important. Someone with digestive, stomach or other symptoms in this part of body may look at the solar plexus and sacral chakras to see if they might be chronically out of balance.

​This is our place of passion, emotion and creativity. It is where sexual energy is expressed and enjoyed and where creativity is cultivated.  The sacral chakra is located below the belly button and above the tailbone. In the sexual realm, an overactive sacral chakra may look like someone who doesn’t respect the power of sexuality and sleeps with multiple partners. This could also be one who has been sexually abused and is still triggered often. One with a closed sacral chakra may be sexually repressed or may lack luster and passion.
 
This moves us to the passion/creative side of the chakra outside of sexuality. When creativity and passion are rich, and emotions are authentic, this chakra is flowing nicely. When life feels dead and dark and drive is at a minimal, this chakra could be sluggish or closed. You can see how these chakras speak to the heart chakra and even the 3rd eye. All chakras impact each other!

​This is our place of grounding, safety, survival and security and is located in the tail bone area. When we worry about our basic needs, our root chakra is involved. When we lose our footing and have too much going on around us to feel grounded, this is our root chakra begging to be balanced. Fight or flight responses are impacted in this chakra.

​Imagine the opposite extreme, not to lose our footing, but to feel cemented and stuck. Being rooted does not mean becoming rigid and legalistic. “We will never have enough money”, says the man with six figures saved in the bank and a healthy retirement plan. Interestingly enough, he grew up poor worrying about losing electricity and trying to think of how he could work to help the family AND play football. Healing the chronic impact made to this chakra can be an important piece in the healing path. Learning to listen can be priceless.

​This article doesn’t stop here! Now that you understand the chakras uses and effects on mental and physical health, you can learn how to sit quietly and listen to each of them. The next article walks you through a meditation designed to create awareness of how each of the chakras have been impacted.
 
Remember: meditation is NOT specific to any one religion or spiritual group. Christians, Muslims, Buddhists and those not identifying with any religion can safely benefit by sitting and listening to the body. We have a duty to be the best humans we can, to make the world better because of our existence. Meditating through the Chakras can be part of that process.
 
Gabrielle Anderson is the owner of and a therapist at the Family Therapy Center in Ashburn, Virginia. She is a married mother of two and lives in the Northern Virginia area. Gabrielle can be contacted here.

​I have been opened to the exploration of energy’s impact on a space and on us as humans. What you may be blaming on emotions may in fact be residual energy.
 
I often open up the counseling office in the morning, before anyone else arrives. Many times I find myself singing as I unlock the suite. Why am I singing? There have been times that the peacefulness or good vibes of our suite, just make me feel good. Is it happiness? Eh…ish. More specifically, it’s energy; high frequency, good feeling energy. Like the energy you feel hiking in the mountains or paddling on a lake. Like the energy you feel at a wedding or delivery room after a new little one is born.

​Sometimes energetic residue is not so lovely, and can feel dark or heavy. One morning I arrived at the office early. As I walked towards the back of the suite, I felt an intense heaviness, a pushing through a swamp kind of feeling. It wasn’t sadness or fear or dread…just a heavy heavy low frequency kind of feeling. Turns out a therapist had a session with a client that was extremely dark and heavy the night before. I knew it to be true because I felt it.
 
Energetic residue from intense anger and bitter psychosis can leave a buzzing kind of feeling. To me, this feeling is a kin to anxiety, yet is drastically different. One day I had a few intense sequential sessions. Anger, hostility, verbal lashing out and threats of harm were released into my space. Half way through the day, I felt the energy building. By the end of the night, I knew I needed to clear the space before I left for home. The next morning, it was still there.  The moment I opened my office door, I felt buzzing in my chest. A colleague borrowed my space, commented on this feeling too. Lingering mojo. Not cool.
 
Sometimes I do not know what the energy is, but I can tell it is not beneficial and needs to be cleared. I pick up on these vibrations when I sage the office after hours. Residual energy that needs to be cleared feels like agitation. No emotion, just yuck.

​Why is this important to explore? What if there is residual energy around you? What if someone is putting off an energy that is palpable and you think it’s YOUR emotion instead? Becoming aware of your surroundings and situations can help you hone in on what you are truly feeling.
 
I knew to be aware the morning after my clients’ tough night. I attempted to break up and release the energies, but they were stubborn! What if I didn’t think about his ahead of time? I would have assumed that the buzzing in my chest was anxiety and I would NOT have thought to open up a window or spray essential oils.  What if I didn’t reach out to the other clinicians to find out what happened in the back rooms? I would not have discovered the heaviness that lingered and could have assumed I was tired, burned out or maybe even depressed!
 

How I experience residual energy may be different from how you may experience it.  Notice what your own body responses feel like. We handle energy differently than we do emotions. Take journaling for example. If you are struggling with anxiety or insomnia, journaling can help organize it and help the paper hold the emotions so that you can exhale and relax a bit. If the feeling is not anxiety at all, but is residual energy from a fight, bad illness etc  still lingering in the space, journaling would not help at all. The energy would still be there. Interesting? Yes!

​Before I started to spray essential oils or sage the office after hours, I felt burned out. I was tired and felt like the joy I have ALWAYS felt for my job was slipping away. After talking with a few people who understand residual energy, I started to sage. Would you believe, the stacks and stacks on my desk were due to residual energy clustering and becoming chaotic! My space no longer steals my energy and feelings that I once identified as anxiety I now know are not mine, but belong to others. Wow.
 
If you have a room in your house that attracts chaos, or maybe you feel like you can not focus when once you could, you may need to break up residual energy. Any rooms that have experienced significant pain or illness could use a good clearing. Sounds like I need to write a post about this too…how to sage (or smudge) a room house.

​Clearing energy could be a blog article all of its own. However, below are some great tips.

1. Open a window to allow fresh energy to penetrate the space
2. Open up the blinds. Sunlight brings in a beautiful energy
3. Many essential oils and flower essences can break up energy and introduce a higher frequency energy that feels better
4. Intentional music can increase the frequency, which could make a room feel lighter
5. Buy live plants. Plants add life. As they absorb from us, they also give to us
6. Routinely sage your home or office to keep energies from building
7. Various gemstones can alter the energy of a space as well as absorb negativity

 
Determining the difference between energy and emotions has the ability to empower you to take care of your health with more confidence.  

​Who is the Author?
Gabrielle Anderson, lmft is the owner of the Family Therapy Center in Ashburn as well as a Marriage and Family therapist. She is a married mother of 2 and lives in Loudoun county. Contact Gabrielle here if you would like to schedule an appointment for couples counseling or individual therapy.

​We are all human and it is impossible to keep everything hidden from our kids- we slip, we roll our eyes, we sigh, we say things we shouldn't in moments of anger and frustration. It happens, but when it does, you can have a conversation later on with your child about it and explain that in that moment, you were feeling angry or frustrated and that you are sorry that they had to see that. Model the behavior for your child that you would wish to see in them. Everyone has moments where they say or do something out of emotion, it's how you choose to handle that moment after the fact that will be remembered.

Do You Need Your Own Professional Support?
For individuals who are in any stage of the separation or divorce process and feel you could benefit from having the support of a therapist to help you process these difficult changes and emotions, if you are looking for help in how to tell your children, how to co-parent and how to protect your children, or if you are concerned about changes you are seeing in your child's behavior or the effect of the divorce/separation on them, please reach out to me today for a free consultation.

The experience of divorce is very difficult for families and couples, help is available to support you through each step of your journey. Believe in the possibility that life will be better and you will feel happy again.

About the Author:
Chelsey Brooks, LPC holds a Master's of Science in Professional School Counseling and is a Licensed Professional Counselor and a Licensed School Counselor. In addition, she has taken numerous graduate courses in counseling, development, and family systems. She is currently pursuing certification as a Registered Play Therapist (RPT) and in Theraplay, an attachment focused, play based practice of Play Therapy. Chelsey has completed extensive training in Play Therapy, Trauma and other clinically focused continuing education and is in private practice in Ashburn, Virginia. 

​I have been talking a lot lately with clients about their natural ability to empathically feel other’s emotions and emotional energy. To literally feel them, not just sympathize about them.
 
Although some will say all humans have the innate ability to feel the emotion of others, I am unsure where I stand on this belief. There is a spectrum of ability to experience emotional energy and with thoughtfulness and personal introspection; I believe this ability can expand. 

​What on earth am I talking about? Have you ever been in a situation where you could feel the energy in a room without having to talk to anyone? Maybe you felt this at a funeral or if you were to walk into a silent room after two people just had a fight. If your answer is yes, you may be beginning to understand what I am starting to explain.
 
Years ago I did an intake with a man alone at night in the office. I NEVER do this, but this time seemed safe. I met the wife already, had a session with their teenage son; all I needed to do was meet the dad and gain his perspective on things. Easy, right?
 
Twenty minutes into the conversation, I started to feel my body go into fight or flight. It started with my chest getting heavy, then my heart began to race. What was happening inside my body? The gentleman in my office wasn’t acting aggressively, he wasn’t making advances on me…nothing but a regular intake, but my body and energy was picking up on something else. I didn’t listen to my body’s response until I began to sweat down the back of my spine. “Do whatever it takes to get him out of your office…now!” I listened.
 
For weeks I couldn’t understand this response, until I did. This man had a secret darkness that began to unfold as I began to get to know the family. Mom and son eventually fled in the night and moved across country to escape what my senses knew on some level weeks prior. 

​Why does this happen? How do we know what is happening inside another human being? A colleague friend of mine uses a therapy dog in her practice. She and I were taking an Aromatherapy class together a few years ago. The instructor mentioned that a particular essential oil blend might help the dog emotionally during troubling sessions; in essence, the oils would help shield and block the client energy from penetrating. It was interesting to hear my colleague report that her dog’s job was to feel what the children in her practice were feeling so that he knew how to respond; blocking the energy would be confusing for him.
 
Interesting enough, horses have this ability too. In equine counseling therapy, the horse is used as an emotional tool during a session. As the horse feels the emotion of the client, he begins to behave and respond accordingly. The equine therapist uses this information to teach clients about their own emotions and helps them move through them experientially. Fascinating.

​One day I was doing art therapy with a middle school girl who had experienced sexual trauma. We were sitting side by side at a table while she began to express herself through a self-portrait drawing. I couldn’t see passed the girl to see what she was drawing, so I sat and waited in silence for her to work through the task. A few minutes into the prompt, I felt the energy in the room shift. Deep in my own body I felt a darkness begin to settle. My heart and shoulders felt heavy as I began to experience a deep, deep sadness. The emotion was so great, I felt myself begin to breath deeply through it. Although I couldn’t see what she was drawing/writing, I made a mental note of where on her picture she was drawing at the moment. When the girl finished, I was astonished to see what my body felt. The moment I felt the darkness, was the moment she moved into a deeper portion of her trauma. I felt it and experienced it when no words were guiding me through it…just the energy in the room, exuding from her. 

​Why does no one talk about this? Talking about empathic abilities is like talking about wizardry or witchcraft. It is this mystical, weird ability that no one really believes in…or do they?
 
Since I began to recognize these emotions in my own body, I wondered how many others experience it too. So, I gathered up the courage to begin to ask my clients. The answers I received were astonishing.
 
A couple of years ago I delicately asked a recovering alcoholic…”Ok. I’m going to ask you something a little strange, but I am really curious about this. Can you feel other’s emotions as your own?”
 
The man looked at me strangely and emphatically said, “Yes! Oh my gosh. I can FEEL my wife’s silent anger and KNOW when she’s disappointed in me, even when she says she’s ok. I know she’s not ok because I feel it”. He had never talked about this with anyone and was feeling so much from others around him that he shut down his own emotion. Key information to his recovery path.
 
I have multiple examples of clients who shut down their own emotions because they feel too much from others. Many are not aware of this until it is organized and talked about in length.
 
I have so many stories for this one example. A teenage girl confided in me that she had begun to lock her bedroom door at night. I was unaware of any sexual trauma, and was confused by this statement. “I don’t know why I am doing this, I just feel scared…terrified actually. My dad has NEVER touched me, I don’t know why I feel this way about him”. Six months later, her little brother told his guidance counselor that his dad had been molesting him. Wow. She could feel it.

So many people are in touch with other’s emotions, assuming they are their own. Regular people have this ability, but we are not talking about it. Chances are, someone in your family or friend group can feel emotion, but they might not know what it is.
 
Something to Think About: Do you or a family member experience emotions that do not make sense? Do you ever feel something and you really do not know why on earth you would be feeling this emotion? Begin to introspect and see if you may have this innate animal instinct to pick up and feel others emotional energy. It may explain why social settings are sometimes challenging, or why you get too wrapped up in other’s sadness and life situations. Maybe you have an undeveloped ability to empathically feel emotion from those around you.

About the Author:
Gabrielle Anderson is the owner of and a therapist at the Family Therapy Center in Ashburn, Virginia. She is a married mother of two and lives in the Northern Virginia area. Gabrielle can be contacted here.

​Remember what you liked about your spouse when you first began to date? How you respected one another and went out of your way to understand his perspective; the excitement that percolated every time you learned something new and fresh about this person?
 
Have you ever witnessed a teen and her mom laughing and sharing together and wished that you had that connection with your child? How did they get there? What do they know that you don’t know?
 

​Friendship connotes safety, respect and support. When we love our friends, we want what is best for them and we yearn to be close and connected. Sadly enough, marriages and families often forget this very important component to a healthy and satisfying relationship. 

​All relationships have complaints, but not all complaints turn into criticisms.
 
“I feel underappreciated and am tired of picking up all your stuff.” (I statement) “Please be more mindful.” (voicing a wish…how to make it right)
 
…is a very different message than
 
“You’re so messy and disorganized”(can you feel the finger being pointed at your loved one?) “I can’t take your chaos… this room is disgusting!“(who your spouse or child is as a person, at their core was just attacked and made to feel like a serious detriment. I can almost feel the shame that was just fertilized and watered) 
 
Complaint #1 voices a complaint with an “I statement” and a wish attached, While message #2 attacks the person and makes them feel unworthy of you.
 

​When we have enough negative interactions with a loved one, we tend to pull away, distance and protect. That doesn’t sound at all like the opening paragraph of this article. What happened to the excitement? The love? Learning how to voice complaints and communicate from a place of love and respect is absolutely vital if the relationship is going to grow.
 
 
Relationships that feel safe tend to yield themselves to curiosity and exploration.
Remember that scenario of a teen and her mom? It is impossible to have a close-knit safe bond if interactions erode the person and relationship. When we communicate love and support and these are felt in the relationship, trust breeds.
 
“I can let her in…tell her about my friends who are drinking because I know she won’t judge and I trust that she will give me guidance and direction”
 
I want my teen to be thinking this! To be brought into his/her level; to help them navigate life because there is trust and respect.
 
“I’m struggling with my boss. I know I’m getting defensive and reactive, but sometimes….”
 
I want my spouse to be able to talk to me this openly. To be able to share weaknesses and flaws and vulnerability means s/he feels safe and trusts that opening up and sharing will improve the situation and NOT harm it.

Are you going for water and a well-balanced fertilizer or acid and a dark shading blanket? Find the balance in your relationship; mindfully choose how you want love and respect to look like. Relationships that work and flourish are not by accident, they take purposeful choice, commitment and a curiosity to learn more and extend it further.

Who is the Author?
Gabrielle Anderson, lmft is the owner of the Family Therapy Center in Ashburn as well as a Marriage and Family therapist. She is a married mother of 2 and lives in Loudoun county. Contact Gabrielle here if you would like to schedule an appointment for couples counseling or individual therapy to help get you or your relationship back on the path to wellness.
​

What is Forgiveness…Real Forgiveness?
 As a therapist who treats trauma and helps people at the darkest times of their lives, I experience the evils of the world through its victims. I see children raw and broken at the hands of selfish, greedy men and feel the anguish of a college student as she picks up the pieces of a shattered innocence and future lost. Helping the wounded find healing and renewed strength means I too walk through the darkness and experience the consequences of those who prey upon and hurt others.
 
I have to be honest. Forgiveness has been a concept that I have personally struggled with over the years. Why should he forgive? It was devastating and wrong and no one would judge him... that person doesn’t even deserve his forgiveness.  
 
Then I took training from Janis Abrahms, Ph.D. She organized levels of forgiveness that I have adopted and further adapted to help my clients understand and realize just what type of forgiveness they are seeking. THIS I can do and this I feel comfortable sharing with my clients, because forgiveness is for the one who is hurting. Below is my interpretation and adaptation of her work and ideas.

​We all have choices. Each of us can choose to be the absolute best version of ourselves and can constantly strive to improve and heal or we can give up and let life occurrences choose for us. We can allow bad things and stressful events to define who we are and help us become a sponge for negativity or we can take the dark, hurtful stimuli and use it as fertilizer to help us become a better stronger version of ourselves.
 
Notice the choices we have in each of the forgiveness layers presented. Allow this organization of ideas to help you make mindful decisions the next time you experience pain and discomfort. 

​Sometimes things happen to us that really aren’t that big of a deal. Someone cuts us off in traffic, takes our place in line, or grabs the last gallon of milk. Instances like these are irritants; annoying situations that if we let them, can help shape our reactions and make us grumpier or negatively focused.
 
With practice, we can learn to become reactive to these events and can allow anger and edginess to settle deep inside of our bodies OR with practice, we can do the opposite. We can let it roll. Like water on a duck’s back, we can let it roll away…far away from us. Imagine yourself taking a deep breath and exhaling the energy of that person or event far far away from you.  Let it all roll off of you and watch it roll completely out of sight. This is layer number 1: Letting it roll.

​Abrahms refers to this as cheap forgiveness, faux forgiveness is when an instance is larger than the ones listed above, but we treat them as though they are insignificant. We try to let it roll, but it really is too big and too painful to roll away on it’s own, so instead of looking at it, understanding and working through it, we use all of our might to push and shove it away.
 
Faux forgiveness is forgiving too quickly…before we really have the opportunity to heal our relationship or ourselves. Explaining what faux forgiveness is so much easier if we talk about true real forgiveness. 

True real forgiveness is when we experience a hurt and we use it to help us grow stronger. We take that hurt to the one who hurt us and we carefully talk about it in a way that organizes and makes sense of the hurt, and then consequently soothes it.
 
True Forgiveness: The Role of the One Who is Hurting
“I felt really alone when you did “x” (I statement). I’m scared of losing you (getting to the deeper emotion). I know it comes out sideways…I know I just get angry (taking responsibility) but I need for you to understand what my true feelings are – to really understand where I am coming from (here is the wish…giving the offender a path)”
 
In true forgiveness, the hurt party has a responsibility to communicate the hurt in a way that can be heard; delivery here is important. If the receiver becomes defensive or really doesn’t understand, it becomes challenging to journey to a place of forgiveness. Thinking; how does my partner or friend need me to say this so s/he can stay engaged? Can I practice my I statements beforehand so that s/he doesn’t feel blamed?
 
True Forgiveness: The Role of the One Who Offended
In true forgiveness, the offender has responsibility as well. The offender’s job is to become curious about the other’s emotional experience and to strive to really understand the pain that was caused.
 
“I had no idea that you were feeling so lonely. I’m so sorry. I hate that you were feeling all of that and I was too busy to notice (accepting influence and taking responsibility). You mean so much to me and I want us to be ok…”
 
The Back and Forth of True Forgiveness
Now what if the offender really has reasons for the hurt? What if the relationship has flaws and the dynamic isn’t all that healthy? What if the offender needs forgiveness too?
 
In true forgiveness, the energy of forgiveness and communication flows both directions. Becoming defensive and self-righteous is NOT the same thing as seeking forgiveness in the other party and explaining how both parties arrived at pain and distance. Again, delivery and knowing why an issue is getting flushed is important. True forgiveness gets to the root or roots of an issue and can happen in one sitting or over a course of time. 

​You can see how it was easier to describe what faux forgiveness is by explaining true forgiveness. When we forgive too quickly “No worries, it wasn’t that big of a deal” when it really was, we rob the relationship of a deeper healing; a connection within pain. When we can re-wire a relationship to be able to tolerate pain and discord and to then have it experience connection within the conflict, the darkness then and only then can be used as fertilizer for new beautiful growth. 

What if the offender cannot walk through the stages of forgiveness and is unable to do the back and forth of true forgiveness? What then? Is the one left behind optioned with faux forgiveness only?
 
Acceptance is the realization that significant hurt has been experienced and that forgiveness is well deserved, but not possible. Maybe the offender is dead, a substance abuser with no desire to change, or maybe s/he is a relative or significant other who lacks the ability to be safe. What then?
 
Acceptance looks at the pain openly and honestly. It forces the one who is hurt to be honest about how deep the wounds go and how the scars have been shaping their emotions, way of thinking and consequential behavior. Taking an honest look means now the hurt party has choice. Heal or stew? Become stronger or paralyzed? Grow into a strong tall tree or wither into a bitter, infected dying plant?
 
True acceptance means the one who is hurt does the work to heal, make sense and organize the pain. Like true forgiveness, acceptance usually takes a long time and often requires professional help. Those who experience this layer of acceptance must walk through the pain without the offender’s help, committing all the way to not let it create bitterness or resentment.
 
To Not Forgive is to Give the Offender What They Do NOT Deserve & Robs You of Peace
Why talk about the layers of forgiveness? Because with forgiveness and acceptance comes peace and healing. When we honestly look inward and are constantly improving ourselves, we can allow painful experiences to improve us. Without this focus, hurtful occurrences will begin to harden our hearts and will strive to dissolve the goodness inside. No experience or human deserves to rob us of our joy and life fulfillment.
 
Life is hard. Bad things happen. It is our job and our responsibility to decide if these occurrences are an opportunity to heal and become stronger or are an excuse to wither away and become a bitter, run down version of ourselves.
 
Who is the Author?
Gabrielle Anderson, lmft is the owner of the Family Therapy Center in Ashburn as well as a Marriage and Family therapist. She is a married mother of 2 and lives in Loudoun county. Contact Gabrielle here if you would like to schedule an appointment for couples counseling or individual therapy to help get you or your relationship back on the path to wellness.

Read an interesting blog by Gabrielle about forgiveness and the negative cycle in a relationship.
Read an interesting blog by Gabrielle about the balancing energy flow of relationships
To read more about the path of forgiveness from the original source, Dr. Abrahms, click here.
 

​Last month, my husband took our kids to a Sia concert. One of the songs seemed to have an emotional impact on him so he shared a video of it later with me. What a powerful, emotionally provocative performance. The video described a relationship that had a debilitating destructive negative cycle to it. The beautiful manner in which the dancers captured relational dysfunction made me experience the dancer’s fighting deeply, at a significant emotional level.
 
Before you skip down to the concert video to satisfy your own curiosity, I’d like you to first view the song from an intellectual level. This first video shares the lyrics of the song. Please take a few moments to view the video and take the time to actually absorb the words.

Every relationship has a negative cycle when things are not going so well. A negative cycle is that black hole that many couples feel themselves getting sucked into during a fight. This is the space where the arguments become rote and the couple begins to realize that although the content of the argument may be different, one could almost write a script for how the argument will proceed and how the couple will make up.
 
When I do this, he often responds with this…then I do “x” and he does or says “y”.
​The negative cycle works hard to get couples to feel either deeply adversarial or cold and numb.

True forgiveness has the ability to strengthen a damaged relationship. The act of forgiveness requires the offender to truly care that s/he has hurt the other and both do what it takes to make the situation better AND to heal the wound.
 
“I don’t want you to feel that way. I understand now how much I scared you and how much I hurt you”
 
Sometimes we forgive too quickly, before we ever even verbalize all of the pain. Before we even give our partner or loved one a chance to understand and empathize. True forgiveness may require the party to go back time and time again until the wound has successfully healed.
 
Forgive and forget or give it to God have the potential of robbing the relationship of a deep joining and connecting healing and could also keep the one who is hurt from healing at the level that validates emotionally. Forgiving too quickly often breeds disappointment, resentment and potential bitterness. It not only harms the relationship, but the one who was originally hurt.
 
Watch the song again, this time at an emotional level with the above listed information in mind. Notice how one or the other will obliterate safety, even during vulnerable, emotionally porous times.
 
Have the idea of true forgiveness in mind as you watch the dancers begin to sway a foot and then sway their feet together. Forgiving too quickly, without healing, without stopping the negative cycle in this scenario is damaging. ​

Wow, right? When do you hold the hammer in your relationship? At these times, do your words sting? Are you aggressive? Or do you take the other extreme and freeze out your partner?
 
What does the negative cycle in your relationship look like and what can you do to stop it? Altering a destructive cycle can be tricky and some need professional help to truly forgive, heal and change the relational dynamic. Get help for your relationship today!

Interested in Learning More?...
Read more about the Negative Cycle Here
Read more about True Forgiveness Here

About The Author...
Gabrielle Anderson, lmft is the owner of the counseling center in Ashburn as well as a Marriage and Family therapist. She is a married mother of 2 and lives in Loudoun county. Contact Gabrielle here if you would like to schedule an appointment for couples counseling or another therapeutic modality. 

One of my specialty areas in private practice is chronic illness. I love helping those with prolonged illness find emotional balance during times of stress and turmoil. In this article, I want to talk about the importance of gut health from the perspective of enzyme support and would like to help you explore the connection this could have  with anxiety, depression and more. Many of my posts are written from a professional slant; this article is more personal in nature. I hope it speaks to you. ​

Did you know that 90%+ of Serotonin production occurs in the gut and that the gut is being called our 2nd brain? Healthy gut bacteria produce neurotransmitters like Serotonin, Dopamine and GABA. Shocking, right? When our gut is out of balance and not in a healthy place, it can directly effect our mood. What we eat can impact the balance of the gut and thus directly impact the brain. 

GMOs, processed sugars, gluten, dairy, chemicals, preservatives, hormones, pesticides, etc can all help to create an imbalance in the gut and in some cases can cause undigested particles to leak into the blood stream. Not good. 

Hippocarates said "All disease begins in the gut". Could this mean that many mental health problems can originate here too? ABSOLUTELY. ​

A couple of weeks ago I was preparing for a workshop at my practice that included a talk about the gut connection with mental health. During the research phase of my preparation, I was coming across article after article that looked at the importance of probiotics, pre-biotics and enzymes. Probiotics and pre-biotics have been on my radar for years (read an article I wrote about good/bad bacteria here), but enzymes? I have used enzymes with my son to help keep his bowels regulated, but have not thought about using them for anything else, especially not mental health. I was intrigued and read on to learn that enzymes can be a HUGE factor in balancing the gut, which (did we mention that 90% of all Serotonin is produced in the gut?) can directly impact mental health. Interesting. 

Within proximity of my workshop, I began to have abdominal discomfort and distress. Because of my recent training, my instinct was to grab my son's enzymes. What happened over the course of the next 3 weeks surprised me.

I am open about my own tools to improve my own mental health. As I write this, my autumn "happy lamp" (a future post!) is going; I constantly smell of essential oils, utilize yoga as my emotional and chemical detoxer and have many loving people and relationships in my world. I do not pretend to be emotionally symptom free, I just manage my own mental health as proactively as I can. BUT, to get ahead of a symptom, understand the why and target it at the source, now that's worth writing about. ​

Over the past year, I have been working out imbalances in my hormonal system and have noticed this new healthier balance impacting many other systems in my body as well. Although this greatly impacted my emotional health, I still struggled with keeping anxious feelings at bay. 

Within a week of taking the enzymes for abdominal discomfort, I noticed a noteworthy change in my own anxious level. Lately, I had been awaking with anxious feelings, going to bed with them and felt emotional distress in my chest waxing and waning during the work day as well.

What I though was an understandable anxious preparation for a difficult day at the office, was actually gut related...NOT work related.  My evening jitters were not due to this trigger or that, but was my gut trying to get my attention.

Two weeks into routine enzyme support, I found myself feeling much more calm and balanced throughout the day. My out of the blue anxious feelings were down by 95%! I thought I had reasons for the anxious buzzing and internal chatter. What I didn't know was that this chatter was actually my body trying desperately to be heard. My gut was speaking to me, but I wasn't listening.

If this article speaks to you, you can now be empowered to make a difference. The first step is to seek the advice of a medial professional who understands the importance of good gut health and begin to take steps to create balance. I have a handful of blog posts speaking to the importance of probiotics, diet and other gut health related topics that could help guide you on this path as well.

Finding the link between physical and mental health can be a gift. Learning how to listen to the body and becoming familiar with it's voice is an amazing tool that can help decode a multitude  of symptoms and lend its way to empowerment. What is your body saying to you today?


Gabrielle Anderson is a family therapist at the Family Therapy Center of Northern Virginia in Ashburn, Virginia. She enjoys writing about mental health concerns from a natural, health related perspective. This and other posts are NOT to be used to diagnose a problem, but are rather information to be taken to your medical health professional to explore possibilities and options.
​


Sources:
Kuhn, Merrily RN, Ph.D. What is in our Food, Institute for Brain Potential: CEU Training

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4540030/​

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/01/04/gut-bacteria-mental-healt_n_6391014.html

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2015/06/gut-bacteria-on-the-brain/395918/

http://4abettermemory.com/memory/how-digestive-health-impacts-mental-health/

http://www.drcarolyndean.com/articles_depression_and_yeast.html

One of my specialty areas in private practice is chronic illness. I love helping those with prolonged illness find emotional balance during times of stress and turmoil. In this article, I want to talk about the importance of gut health from the perspective of pre-biotic and pro-biotic support and would like to help you explore the connection this could have with anxiety, depression and more. ​

​Did you know that 90%+ of Serotonin production occurs in the gut and that the gut is being called our 2nd brain? Healthy gut bacteria produce neurotransmitters like Serotonin, Dopamine and GABA. Shocking, right? When our gut is out of balance and not in a healthy place, it can directly effect our mood. What we eat and the ratio of good vs bad bacteria can impact the balance of the gut and thus directly impact the brain. 

​Hippocarates said "All disease begins in the gut". Could this mean that many mental health problems can originate here too? ABSOLUTELY. There are many ways to approach gut health. In another post, we discussed the importance of enzymes, in this post, we will look at bacteria's influence. 

When the health of the gut becomes compromised and bad bacteria overtake good healthy bacteria, yeast can grow to unhealthy levels. Sugar can help feed this overgrowth process. The average American consumes 100 pounds of sugar in a year. Think of how much fuel we are giving to the bad bacteria!

An over-population of yeast can impact the lining of the intestine making it permeable and allowing toxins and undigested food particles to leak into the blood stream. But it also can impede the production of Serotonin. An overgrowth of bad bacteria and an unhealthy gut can initiate cloudy thought processing, irritability as well as anxious or low mood feelings.

80% of our immune system lies within our gut. When the intestines chronically leak toxins, the immune system becomes compromised which tends to increase systemic inflammation in the body. Systemic inflammation can impact the body and brain and can lend itself to ailments that span from achy joints to depressive feelings or even feelings of panic. More mental health impact!

We mentioned above that the production of Vitamin B can be impacted with poor gut health. The B vitamins are a wonderful nourisher for the nervous system and an important factor to one's mental health. Sometimes a 50-100mg dose of a multi-B vitamin is recommended for those struggling with mental health symptoms, other times a Methyl version of Folate and B-12 is encouraged. Talking to an informed medical professional about these options is important. BUT helping the body produce what it needs to is a crucial proactive step in maintaining good healthy mental health.

​We have read what impact an imbalance in good and bad healthy flora can do to one's mental health. Let's look at what a healthy amount of pre-biotics and probiotics can do for one's mood.

Probitocs are live bacteria that are helpful to the digestive system. Pre-biotics are the fibers in natural whole foods that give probiotics the fuel they need to maintain and reproduce. Both probiotics and pre-biotics can be taken in the form of a pill or can be ingested in certain foods. 

​Good bacteria like lactobacillus and B. Bifidum for example have been used in research studies with mice. Mice that were given these helpful bacteria had a reduction in their anxious like behavior. Other studies have looked at the link between healthy microbes in the gut and the reduction of depression and anxiety.

What a beautiful thing. To learn WHY you may feel down or anxious, or have cloudy thinking. To get ahead of it and tackle it instead of popping a pill or suffering through is a gift. Scattered, splintered energy, feelings of darkness and despair, anxious chatter can all benefit by looking through the lens of the gut. Many other symptoms can be as a result of your body's neurotransmitters not being able to do their job efficiently and effectively.

Why not try implementing the addition of daily probiotics into your diet for three weeks to see what changes you feel? Your best angle for success is by introducing a well made multi-strain probiotic that also contains a pre-biotic blend.

Also begin to eat  foods that naturally contain probiotics. Fermented food choices such as raw sauerkraut, low sugar yogurt, kefir, kombucha are wonderful ways to introduce probiotics into the body naturally.

Remember. Sugar tends to feed yeast. Reducing sugar and simple carbohydrates while targeting yeast and increasing good healthy flora is an important step to changing the environment of your gut. Adding supplements and natural foods into the diet and reducing sugars can be a nice balance. 



Gabrielle Anderson is the a family therapist and the owner of the Family Therapy Center of Northern Virginia in Ashburn, Virginia. Although therapy is her specialty, she loves incorporating natural methods and is constantly searching for biological or environmental explanations for mental health ailments whenever possible. This and other posts is NOT to be a replacement for medical attention or advice. Please talk to your medical professional to see if these ideas could help you or a loved one.




Sources:
Kuhn, Merrily RN, Ph.D. What is in our Food, Institute for Brain Potential: CEU Training

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/01/04/gut-bacteria-mental-healt_n_6391014.html

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2015/06/gut-bacteria-on-the-brain/395918/

http://4abettermemory.com/memory/how-digestive-health-impacts-mental-health/

http://www.drcarolyndean.com/articles_depression_and_yeast.html

http://www.cpn.or.kr/journal/view.html?volume=13&number=3&spage=239

​http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-14177/anxious-moody-depressed-why-you-might-have-candida.html